An Answer to a Prayer...(.not related to last post)

So yeah, I know, 2 posts, not just in the same month, but in the same day...I know, what is this world coming to? But hey, I have some time and my thoughts are rolling so I'm going with it and learning to open up a little more.

This one is slightly more personal as it involves my sweet Benjamin. Anyone who has been around him for the past several years can usually empathize with some of the difficulties we have had in trying to understand him and help him make better choices and keeping friends.

He really is the sweetest, smartest, snuggliest and thoughful little boy, but at times, he is impulsive, agressive, and not understandable in his thinking and abrupt actions.

Over the years, I have felt my patience barometer shift as I have felt frustrated in not being able to help him make better choices, being nice to other children, especially siblings, and lashing out in destructive ways. I've had kids yelling at me because of him, parents yelling at me because of something he has done, sat in principle's office when he was in Kindergarden and threathening to suspend my child for behavior etc. It's hard to listen to and hard to get Ben to understand what's going on around him. It's like he's totally oblivious.

We have had teachers over the years suggest we have him tested for ADHD and I felt he was too young for that and thought there must be something we were doing wrong or something we hadn't tried yet to help him curb some of his tendencies. But after seeing as he has gotten older and the gap between him and his peers were becoming more apparent, we finally gave in and had him tested and was assured that he had ADHD. Then after talking to a child-phycolgist and having him further examed for other issues that ADHD did not explain, Ben was diagnosed with Aspergers, a high-functioning form of Autism.

Autism is never a word I thought would or could describe my child and the diagnosis didn't sit well with me, but I pushed out my thoughts as I was really unsure of what Aspergers was and asked the doctor "what next then?"

I took the suggestions of doctors to try medication for the ADHD, which I wasn't really on board with medicating my child, but after several weeks, I have to admit that I was completely wrong. Ben is not a different child because of the medication, he is a better behaved child who still has his enthusatic personality and inquisitive mind, but he seems in more control of his irratic thoughts and actions, and responds better to insturctions and can actually sit still for longer than a second. I must admit, that even the low-dose that he is on, to see his responsiveness and happy demenor return (as he was the happiest child ever when he was younger), my little boy has been returned to me from the hellish behavior and dark thoughts that used to come out of his mouth that scared me.

He's doing better in school, and since learning more about Aspergers and what kinds of social obsticles that will be in his way, it has helped me immensly to see that all that frustration and agression he used to display towards other children was his way of not understanding social cues and other childrens behaviors and words.

One day, I finally let it all sink in after trying to be tough and deal with all the news, and I did break down and have a good cry as I felt helpless to know what to do next, but then I remembered all those prayers I had said on his behalf, and was comforted that his diagnosis was not a curse, but an answer to my prayers.

Because I am beginning to understand Ben better through his Autism, I have more compassion for his lack of understanding, I have more sympathy for him when friendships don't work out (when I used to think he was the bully) and that I can see how much he wants to have good friends and values friendship, but doesn't know how to do that because of Aspergers, and I have found that I have more patience with him than I have every had before, because I now know that his bahvior is not linked to him and who he is, it's just his way of saying he doesn't understand and needs help.

I love my little man so much! I know it will not be easy from here on out, especially as his peers continue to choose their own friends and start to exclude the kids that are weird, but I can be happy to know that because of his Aspergers, I feel that his precious little heart and soul might be protected from growing pressures around him because he doesn't understand or care about those same things like he does about inventing things, drawing up engineering plans or constructing legos.

I am grateful for that and grateful for modern medicine, technology and research, and of course to Heavenly Father for inspiring men/women in these days to discover these things and give light to such a misunderstood syndrome.

I am grateful for all these answers to my simple prayers.