Confession... I'm Jealous

So I have to get this off my chest....sometimes, I wish I didn't move around so much. Besides all the other reasons like moving every 3 years, changing schools, changing friends, changing locations, languages etc...put all that aside, and do you know what the number one thing that bothers me the most...watching everyone else's lives through the internet as their lives stay unchanged and friends still being together but without us.

Right after highschool, I went directly to college because I thought I was ready to leave Utah and be a real adult and prove something. I have since lived in many locations and have never returned to live in Utah to see old friends, and sadly, I can see that most of them have moved on...still friends with each other, but forgotten to me.

Through college I made great friends, but we all eventually went our own ways, got married, had kids, moved several more times, made more friends in Dental school and Prosth, and still we move on, leaveing good friends behind.

I know someday we will settle down, sooner than it feels, and I will make more friends as we go and I know someday they will be our friends for life and we will be in a more permanent pace of life, but until then, I'm jealous. I'm jealous as I read friend's blogs of all the potential Girls' Night Out I'm missing out on, had I not moved away. Jealous of even family getting together for birthday parties, christmas or thanksgiving, or whatever the ocassion...but not matter who you are, if we were close at anytime, then I'm jealous that someone else is spending that quality time with you and not me.

Weird confession I know, and maybe even juvienille, but really, I miss all my family and friends I have made over the years between Utah, Idaho, California, Maryland and I miss friends who have left Okinawa, ones that will be leaving okinawa soon, and ones I may never see again when we finally leave this island next year.

I'm lucky to have my wonderful husband and awesome children to be with me wherever we go, but sometimes, it's great to have good friends for life, that you can talk with, be care-free and hang out with, and create memories with like going to the beach together, staying up late talking and playing games, get pedi's together, sharing a meal while our kids run amuck, or simply having a trusting shoulder to cry on or to share victories with.

I think perhaps for a moment, I feel slightly homesick as it has been almost another year since we have been back to the states, and I do long to see old familair faces again, even ones I haven't seen in 10 years. But I can't exactly pin-point where I feel homesick for. I hate the question that people ask me of where I came from, cause in retrospect, I grew up in Utah, but in my adult and married life, there is not one place I can single out as 'home' anymore and frankly, it makes it hard to pick one place that we want to live for the rest of our lives as each place has a little peice of home for me.

I do know that many of our friends we have made over the years are friends for life and we do our best to stay in touch and wish we could be with them again, especially family, but I'm still jealous, even when it's me that moves on.